Actually, the most difficult part is to find out, to realize that you are a victim of abuse - verbal, physical, emotional. Shame, fear of misjudgment, and pride are some of the feelings that keep them to seek help. Unfortunately, those feelings described above of fear and hopeless makes the abuser stronger and fearless, above the law.
Another and older road block in the way out of the abusive relationship is the social pressure. For centuries women and children were supposed to submit themselves to the mercy of a their husband/father's will and discipline. Women believe, and some are still believing that this is her role in life or destiny. This is a false and diabolic concept. Nobody, nobody has the right to exercise such unjust dominion.
Thus, in order to break the circle, the victim must realized and accept that it is really happening, and start to make the move to get out.
One misconception is that it will stop if the victim obeys the demands of the abuser, or that she is at fault. Therefore, in their thinking, the victim believes and hopes that if she "is nice" and play her role he will not hurt her. A Psychologist told me at once that the violence only escalates, and when the victim remains quite and submissive she just rewards bad behavior. So, instead stop the bad behavior to happen, it just feeds the abuser's unquenchable thirst of the abuser.
In answering the first question, how it starts? It starts when women or children failed to realize and recognize the signs that they are victim and that they do not have to endure the ordeal. They fail to recognize that they did not cause, motivate or deserve such treatment.
As women, "we are beloved all (sons and) daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us" unconditionally.
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